can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
