I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
