I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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