I CAN MOONWALK!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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