I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
this must be what syphilis tastes like
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
