I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
