i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They have beer where we have blood.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
