so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
