the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
