so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
