literally had 100 drinks last night.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
