We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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