Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
