The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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