we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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