If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
