Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
