She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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