I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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