hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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