Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize