My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
