it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
