i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
