Can Purell be used as lube?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
