So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
