Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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