And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
