best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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