i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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