considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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