Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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