How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
