I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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