If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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