PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
