i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
