You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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