I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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