u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize