Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
