i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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