I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
