First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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