:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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