Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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