Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
