Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
