The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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