the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
