last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
