i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize