girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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