I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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