Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
