my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
