i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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