I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
