Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
