I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
