I faked an abortion last night.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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