I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
