Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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