im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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