I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
